Self-Care is a Love Affair
Self-Care seems to be one of those buzz words making the rounds both in the realm of mental health and capitalism. As someone entrenched in mental health work, I can’t help but assess if we’re approaching this concept in the most beneficial way for ourselves.
I am obsessed with self-care, but not in the way you might imagine. I am all-consuming with self-care integration, and rarely in the form of consumption. The way I see it is that the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. Radical Self-Care is falling in love with yourself. It is a metaphorical matrimony of spirit and intention. It’s continuous healing, without the context of feeling broken. It is choosing yourself again and again, even if it makes people unsatisfied or uncomfortable.
You cannot make change if you aren’t aware of the issue. For example, often I feel less than beautiful. Try as I may to be affirming and embracing of myself, some days it just isn’t there. Some of my core insecurities are rooted in perfectionism and productivity. Can you see how fragile a woman these make?
I realized I couldn’t continue this masochistic mindset for my mind, body, and arguably most important, my spirit.
My brand of self-care involves enmeshment in the belief that you can heal yourself more than any product can.
For those times when I feel less lovely than I know myself to be, I become a hopeful romantic. Instead of bringing flowers I plant seeds that I know will begin to sow again and again. I infuse my days with expression and playfulness and my personal favorite, laughter and silliness. I am learning to be more comfortable with process over product and realize I will not always get to be in bloom.
What I do enjoy is the language of self-care, albeit somewhat misguided. You see, self care has become an industry and in simple terms a noun. My experience is that self-care is and should always be a verb. It requires action and rigorous implementation. This knowledge may hold power, but it’s worthless without the wisdom it holds. Wisdom is knowledge put into practice. Self-care is the most important practice you will ever engage in.
I’m not here to knock the self-care industry. However people find their bliss and immerse themselves into the spectrum of mental health I’m good with. But I can guarantee you long-term sustainable bliss you won’t find in a bath bomb or treatment. What I propose may never get traction because alas, it is not a multi-billion dollar industry.
Oh, but the worth it brings. It’s not simple or easy but I guarantee it will be worth the investment.
My personal forms of self-care revolve around spending time with myself. I feel it’s also worth noting that some of my favorite practices don’t necessarily involve just me. My people are integral to my emotional ecosystem. My go-tos are play, rest, sunshine, novel experiences, dancing, expression, and meaningful connection. I’ve never felt more luxurious than when I give myself permission to experience these. These don’t have to be yours, but they may be a good place to start. What does your time need to revolve around in order for YOU to evolve?
I don’t love myself the way I’d like to continuously. I am, however, romancing her because the hard realization I’ve come to is that no one will ever care for her as much as I do. Even when I don’t feel enamored by her body or her mind… I still appreciate her quirks, and her laugh, and her endless pursuit of passion.
This soul is worth protecting.
I hope you find that yours is too.