One of the concepts in my life that continues to evolve as I do is this idea of “success.” When we are given our social scripts of what constitutes a life of successes, the usual tangibles come to mind; the job, the partner, the house, the kids, the car, etc. etc.
I can point to this as one of the consistent tropes I hear in therapy sessions from my clients.
“If only I had X, then I could be happy.”
I simultaneously hate and love to tell you this is not true. I hate to tell you this because depending on how old you are, you have spent so many precious years chasing this mirage. I love to tell you this because success is so much more available to you than our culture has been inclined to believe.
I want to pitch you a different idea of success, but first let’s cover why I don’t believe in the antiquated notion of achievement-driven success. The problem with anchoring yourself to this “American Dream” facade of success is that in the pace of our society, your effort will never be enough and you in turn, will never feel like enough. You’ll bump up against what you thought was the dream and you will continue to move the goal post over and over again until you lose sight of what you are actually working toward altogether. This cycle is insidious, destructive, and antithetical to joy. If this version of success is your motivation for living, you will never feel vital in your life.
Let’s build a life worth living. The version of success I want to sell you on is the kind where you invest in yourself; the kind where you choose over and over to invest in yourself and your own values, regardless of what the world is telling you. I don’t have a simple 3 step process of how to get there, and while I believe this is a very individual journey, I can give you some mile markers for the road ahead and pitfalls to avoid.
These are the things that I can point to that I guarantee will rob you of feeling successful.
Comparison
“Shoulds” (in therapy we call this “shoulding” all over yourself)
Perfectionism/ Self-Loathing
Scarcity Mindset
These are the pillars that while may be individual to each person, I can point to as helpful markers to look for along the way.
Stillness
Gratitude
Process over Product Orientation
Self-Compassion
Abundance Mindset
My idea of success isn’t easy, efficient, productive, or even linear; but unlike outdated cultural notions what I can guarantee is this version will be much more joyful and rich with sources of helping you recognize your inherent worth.
You are already successful by being, not by doing.
What you have is your success;
How far you’ve come is your success;
Let us begin to welcome a new form of measurement into our lives.
I wish you a lifetime of being over doing, starting right now. There is no limit to being.